stargazer_8000 on Datingish

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Thursday, 30 July 2009

Alone

"Dark blue, dark blue,
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
while I'm
here with you?"

--Jack's Mannequin

The other day, amidst all the contemplations about my current relationship and where it's taking me, I realized that I often feel very alone when sitting next to my boyfriend. I, of course, turned to my mother for advice, and she recited a quote she had often stated to my emotionally-distant father:

"I would rather be lonely, and be alone, than be lonely sitting next to someone I love."

And it's true. I think that, worse than being alone physically, is sitting next to someone you love and care for so much...and you feel like they aren't there with you. Of course, corporeally, they are. Right next to you. Maybe holding your hand, or...touching your hair...maybe resting their hand on your knee. But inside his head, he's not with me.

Have you ever had a partner who made you feel alone, even when they were right next to you?
Which would you prefer? Physical or emotional loneliness?

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Going to the Movies

Does your SO put their arm around you at the movies?
Mine doesn't.
Hold your hand?
Mine doesn't.
He finds it uncomfortable.

What's comfortable for you at the movie theatre?

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Agree to Disagree

So, in my first datingish blog I wrote about my boyfriend's...."concern" about my passion for getting a tattoo.
We discussed it frequently, and the conversation evolved into him "letting me know" that if I did get the tattoo, I would be jeopardizing our relationship. It was a big blow-out for us (we honestly never fight), and had the ink not mattered so much to me, I probably would've given it up for him.

However, I had left on foreign exchange with the intent of getting one, and no teenage boy was going to stop me. Who knows how long he'd be around for, anyway?

Well, turns out, awhile.
A long, long while of him not-liking the tattoo.

And then it got ten times more complicated.
A month or so ago, M (boyfriend) and his twin brother B were both looking at their older, military-type brother's photos on facebook. I'm laughing and chatting with a friend when I stop mid-sentence due to the ridiculous wordflow I thought was coming from M's mouth. It sounded a little something like "man, my brother's tattoos are so BADASS!!!"

I honestly....thought I would explode. I glared at him until he decided he didn't want to deal with the discussion he knew was coming, and he stormed off to his bedroom.....Like I'd let him get away with that? Yeah, right.

We talked it out, calmly, and his reasoning as to why his BROTHER'S tattoos were cool and mine was not came down to this:

- He and I (as weird as it sounds, he says) share my body right now. We both have to look at it, and he takes care of it as much as I do.
- He still views it as defiling my body.
and finally
- "I'm closer to you than anyone I know. I've never been so close to anyone before in my life. And...well, I care about you more than my mother, or my brother, or...anyone I know. It's like...if I see some guy get hit in the balls, I'm going to laugh, because I think it's funny. But I don't want that to happen to me, or my best friend, for that matter. That's how I feel about tattoos."

So, as I chuckled at his analogy, I began to understand his point of view. We still don't see eye-to-eye, of course, but we've come to grips with that. Now, it's just a matter of keeping it to ourselves. No needless commentary or continually bringing it up into discussion. We both recognize that we will more-than-likely never agree, and so we agree to disagree.

Have you ever come to a point in your relationship where "agreeing to disagree" was the only option?
If so, did it ever cause problems later on? Did you ever see eye-to-eye?

[[I'll put up a photo soon; the uploader isn't working for some reason :/]]

Saturday, 11 July 2009

What Is It With Guys?

Or, better yet, what's up with us feminine folk?
They say they're going to call; sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.
Not to ask us out, I'm talking about once you've already roped him in and he's here for good.

Scenario:
"Sure babe, I'll call tomorrow to let you know what my weekend looks like," he says.
"Okay, sounds great!" we reply.

So then we sit on our bums, making plans with the girls to make ourselves feel like we aren't sitting on our bums
[[but -not too late-, because he might call]].
No, not because he might call, but because (according to him) he will call.

wait
wait
wait

He doesn't call.
So now, we're upset with him.
With slight reason.

But for starters, how did that conversation -really- go?

*ahem/ahem*
REAL Scenario:
"Hey ______, do you maybe want to do something this weekend?" we ask.
"Hmm..." he ponders, "I'm not really sure what I've got planned."
"Well, do you maybe want to call me when you know?" --here's our fault--
"Sure babe, I'll call tomorrow to let you know what my weekend looks like," he says.
"Okay, sounds great!" we reply.

And there it is, folks.
A classic scenario of how we females set ourselves up for failure, again and again.
We all -know- that there's a good chance he won't call.
And we all -know- that "helllllllll no I ain't callin if he don't call!...His own damn fault..."

But who ends up feeling like they wasted their whole evening/weekend?
Us.
Who regrets not calling?
Us....certainly not them.
Who was out, having a great time, with their buddies?
Give ya a hint::
not
us.

So what is it with them? Why don't they call?
And what's our problem, anyway?
Why can't we just suck it up and call them for a change?
Because, realistically, we're punishing ourselves in not doing so, and (often) taking it out on them later on.

What d'you think? What is it with guys/girls?